A Lighter Nightmare

DISCLAIMER: Hi, My name is Ariel and I'm writing about a nightmare that I had a few nights ago. Im warning you, true love is a false pretense. (words italicized are my personal thoughts)


Sometimes, love comes around and it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down.

AFTER:

Surrounded. We were surrounded by sweet smelling daises with the sun beaming on our foreheads as we lay in the meadow. You complete my love story. and it started with a text message.


BEFORE:

You wanted me to meet you somewhere. So i came to your house, uninvited. I never received your text messge-until i got there. You greeted me with a kiss. Nothing special, a light peck. Simply a welcoming gesture. You lead me to your couch and my favorite movie was playing...Twilight. It was at the scene where Edward was talking to Bella outside of Alice's car in the Cullen's garage. They were about to be seperated, almost permanently. Then Edward said "Bella, you are my life now" and kissed her on her forehead...

PAUSE.

what the hell is wrong with this loser. *sighs*

You paused the movie. Why i'm not sure. So i picked up the remote and turned the shit off. Then you stood up and walked to the middle of the living room floor. and you started walking back and forth.....back and forth..

he's crazy. i knew it, i shouldve followed my first mind. now what? are you gonna perform some type of ritual?

...Like Clockwork. I remained silent on the couch surrounded by empty gatorade bottles, sports magazines, and mexican baby pictures. Your house smells of pure lust and misery. Misery loves company, hehe ;)

^^^^
THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO BE A SIDE-EFFECT OF FALLING FOR THE WRONG GUY.

anyways, back to this shit.
You are perfect for me. You stop pacing. And you make your way back to your side of the couch and you sit and you stare at the television screen.

did Einstein notice that the television is off?

You're still staring, im not suprised. And we sit like this for about 10 minutes. Then you turn towards me and move closer.

uh-oh. Where's my pepper-spray.

I blink. I blink again, and again, and again. Then you take your hand and rub it across the side of my face. "Relax, Ariel" you said. maybe i could, maybe i should..BUT I WONT.

damn you, my face is gonna melt in his hands. avoid eye-contact. his iris is stunning.

The expression on your face lets me know that you have something you'd like to share.
"Say it" i command. You give me this puzzled look, then quickly replace it with a sly smile.
"free credit report dot com, tell your friends, tell your dad tell your mom" he said.
Thats when I knew you were crazy. "I love you, girrrl" he slurred. I THEN KNEW THAT HE WAS DRUNK.

Then he manages to put his hands around my waist as I make a sorry attempt to breathe. He moves my hair and gently kisses my neck. A quiet moan escapes my lips.

damn, I need this.

Then my eyes roll up towards the ceiling as if im asking God to confirm this. Is this really happening? Am I dreaming?

No, This is just a lighter nightmare.

He stops and looks me in the eyes and kisses me very passionately on my lips. Then your hands slowly make their way up my shirt, but i get restless-so i take the shirt off.

Good thing i put on a cami this morning!

We continue kissing and slide your hands up my tank top carressing my barbie-shaped body. Then we stop.


AFTER(CONTINUED)

You grab my hand and take me outside. Neither of us have shoes/socks on. You throw me into the meadow and kiss me. We roll around in the wet grass , kissing and nudging each other. Then we stop and look up at the clouds. "I have something to tell youuuu" i whisper.

am i drunk too? =)

Anxiously, you stop kissing my cleavage and look at me dead in my eyes.

*bad witch imitation voice* i'm melting! im melting....

"I dont want to love you, but I do. It's inevitable" i say,a little louder this time.

He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. I know he's tired of the bullshit.

A pear shaped tear rolls down my cheek, and you kiss my face.



In the morning:

I wake up. I dont move, I lay in the bed. I'm going to be late for school, but i dont care- I have to write this shit down. As i turn my head I notice a wet spot on my pillow. Its very tiny. About the same size that a teardrop could make.

Don't Forget This Obsession

You don’t know how much of an effect you have on me-. Not just me, but my happiness, my well being- internal and external. At this point, im beginning to think that you’re the only one that will ever know me. Not the person that people see on the outside. Sometimes, I just don’t think you understand. You couldn’t possible begin to comprehend how much the little things count. Every unread text message, and all the times we don’t interact. You always have me thinking back. Now, I don’t think I can handle this being over. The day is slowly approaching. And when it does, I vow to let my emotions take over my mind. I am determined to let you know. That doesn’t matter, you probably will think im crazy. Maybe obsessed. Please know that a four letter word, let alone a 7 letter phrase is not equivalent to anything you have to offer. When (or if) you read this, I want you to be aware of my issued. Yes, I don’t think what im doing is healthy or civilized. I don’t have the strength to tell you this in person. So im telling the pen do the talking. I don’t think that I have the strength to leave you in peace. My inbox is overflowing with text messages full of things that bring peace to my life. You don’t have a clue about what I go through, or where ive been. I don’t either. Nothing ever mattered to me –until now- & that’s because now I know that someone cares. How long is this going to last? Misery is inevitable, but you should inform me when you don’t want me to experience it anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of expressing myself anymore. I want to be open with you and every one else. I want you to be aware of the passion I have for you. But every time I open up, it seems like you close up. Its almost as if you’re closing the door on me. The door that belongs to the cardboard box. The cardboard box where my heart currently resides. I cant handle it. When you realize what youre leaving behind, sometimes you wanna strive foward. In this case- I just want to press pause. I would enjoy living this moment in time. I want you to know that im not strong enough to tell you this, and I hadn’t meant to tell you this. Maybe you’ll understand one day. But for now, happy living.

-from the empty soul of ariel
p.s.if you know what’s good for you- you wont wait up for me. You’ll get on with your life, never looking back.

If you’re feelings risky and finally come to the conclusion that happiness (for me) is not obtainable without you- call me. Whenever you can.

I'll be waiting.

If The Truth Hurts, Then These Lies are Murderers.

OMG! If words could kill...you all would be dead from hearing the TRUTH. AND THATS WHY I WRITE THESE BLOGS. THIS IS WHY I WASTE MY TIME ENTERTAINING YOUR LIVES. You are clueless, dumb, stupid, and obviously unaware of whats going on. You deserve to be shanked. That's All I HAVE TO SAY. Don't let your emotions overpower your INTELLIGENCE.

March 14th, 2009: Truths vs. Lies

Truth: Racism Is ALIVE.
Lie: When Slavery Ended so did RACISM.

Truth: Everything On The News is Bullshit
Lie: Everything you see on television is 100% accurate

Truth: Pop Tarts are Better Than Toaster Strudel
Lie: Toaster Strudel is for "cool kids"

Truth: This World Will BLOW UP IF YOU PEOPLE DONT START RECYCLING!
Lies: Loiter, Throw Your Trash, Pollute The Air, and Piss On The Streets, You're Making The World A Better Place :)


THATS ALL I HAVE AT THE MOMENT. Feedback is okay, but i dont care for your opinion anymore.

Drowning In Thoughts Of You

help! its been a while.
since ive been the happy
giggly, FUN Ariel.
A few weeks ago, I was
this self centered, angry, bitch.
I was afraid of my own insecurities
I was trying to block out all the hate
that came to haunt me everyday
it wasnt easy, but im alive. =)
so many poems...left unwritten
because there was nothing left to say-
nothing else to write
so many dreams, forgotten
because i didnt know what to believe in anymore
Then...
There was you.
You came on my boat. (LOL)
brightened my world
with your warm brown eyes
the provided heat
to Ariel's body, which was dying
of Hypothermia (extreme cold-unsurvivable)
I was so sure. so confident.
I thought I had everything under control.
But then..
YOU LEFT.
You, little bastard.
you left me shivering.
trying to shake out all the truth in your words
trying to remove any thoughts of you
from my self-obsessed mind.
you didnt want this.
and i couldnt handle it.


(ANOTHER SONG LATER)

All i knew was.
music.
the ONLY THING
that i had
EVEN IF WANTED
to put EVERYTHING ON PAUSE.
It'd be there
when i came back.
you, for example, would leave.
somebody really needs to help me
this obsession isnt healthy
im drowning in thoughts of you.
But Then.
You came back.
You, smart little bastard.
I could see the light
not your ordinary "CLAP ON CLAP OFF"
this time i knew you were here to stay.
you were not going anywhere...every again.
& i know this sounds awkward
like some type of
mind-sucking addiction
but i need the satisfaction
Lets Hear It For ARIEL!
she actually gets to keep you, this time.
& I dont plan on letting go.
not until, i get my body to stop shivering
to remain at a constant temperature
everything about you is breath-taking
thats why you didnt get an immediate response
when you asked me out...
because you had me at
Hello.




everybody who knows me should know who this was dedicated to. IF NOT, you're probably that boy.

Constructing A Plan

it seems so strange to me.
everything happens for a reason
everything happens, expectantly.
you never know
when to watch your back..
its strange how..
temptation leads to inspiration which results in false representation.
its strange.
how I have nothing else to comfort me,
nothing else. but pen and paper.
when words fail,
I can only seem to write
a letter
and this habit of mine isn't getting any better, its progressing.
im beginning to think more about it..
they say count your blessings
because tomorrow is not promised,
and many things are left unaccomplished.

Re: Google Knows What You Searched Last Night

I guess im done washing clothes for now. So i was browsing the adbusters site, and I ran across something quite interesting. I DID NOT WRITE THIS BLOG POST (SEE BELOW) But I found it shocking! I was a little suspicious when I used to see ads about twilight and rock music and chicago dating sites. This is ridiculous. YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE IT BUT YOU STILL USE GOOGLE! I SAY WE USE YAHOO AND ASK. Dont have any creeps snooping through the files in your computer from those search engines.

"On March 11, Google revealed its latest plan to violate your privacy: they will now record the types of websites you visit in order to gather a behavioral profile of your interests purportedly so that they can send you targeted advertising. This policy is in addition to their current policy of keeping a record of every single web search you have ever made along with as much other personally identifying information as they can gather. Of course, these behavioral profiles and detailed search histories will also be made available to law enforcement personnel upon request. The disregard for user privacy is a long standing tradition at Google and one that should be challenged. Just as Facebook was recently forced to cave after protests, Google too can be made to backtrack from their creeping violations of our privacy. Every company has their weak point, for Facebook it is the fear that users will stop using the site, and for Google it is the necessity of increasing their advertising revenue. I propose that we collectively embark on a civil disobedience campaign of intentional, automated “click fraud” in order to undermine Google’s advertising program with the goal of forcing Google to adopt a pro-privacy corporate policy.

As every internet user knows, the web is inundated with advertising. Many of these ads are generated automatically by Google. Unlike advertisements in newspapers or on billboards which are priced per impression (the more people that see an ad the more expensive it is), Google’s ads are priced per click. Therefore, every time you click on a Google AdSense advertisement, some advertiser must pay Google. If the ad you clicked on was displayed on a website other than Google’s then Google must also pay that website. As you can see, if ads are being clicked on automatically then the whole house of cards upon which the AdSense system is built on crumbles. Advertisers will refuse to pay Google and Google will refuse to pay websites.

Because Google ads are targeted, certain advertisers are willing to pay top dollar for clicks. Some keywords such as insurance, refinance and “IRS problem” are rumored to be worth more than $10 per click. Click fraud can very quickly do major damage to Google and its advertisers but the fact is there is nothing Google can do to stop it, if we work together."

Google Knows What You Searched Last Night

THIS BLOG. SHOULD BE. PRETTY. POINTLESS. I'm in the mood for writing. Well Guess What. I am starting To HATE GOOGLE. I'll tell you why, when I finish washing the clothes.

A Tribute To Stupidity, All Over America

First question. Why are you reading this? Second Question, Why wouldnt you read this? I know why. Because you are stupid. Dont worry, you are not alone. Lots of people are stupid people, who just cant seem to think for themselves. Fuck Al Gore, Here's An Inconvienient Truth; Society,Media, and Old White Men (with the help of Obama) tell you what to think. They tell you what not to smoke, Where not to go, They even tell you how fast you can drive. Just wait till I learn how to drive, you better get extended-coverage on your car insurance. The whole purpose of me posting this is because I was looking through some propaganda as usual, when I ran across an image that caught my attention. For all you Jimmy Neutrons out there, its the picture above. I really dont have much to say about this picture, because I'm not good at elaborating on one particular thingy. So I dont care what you do with this. I dont care If you send it to Obama's Administrative Office and leave them the link to my blog. Just be aware of your stupidity. :)